Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
