People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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