Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
