Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
