we have pet lesbian snakes
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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