I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
