Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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