Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
