She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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