As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
