I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
