weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
