Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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