Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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