does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
