she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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