would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
