I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
