I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
