i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize