Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
