i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
