I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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