I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
