It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
