So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
