I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
