I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
