I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
false alarm. still invincible.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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