just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
