So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize