Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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