Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
