Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
