New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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