Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
