true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
