yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
