I like my sex mixed with concussions.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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