making cat noises will not fix the situation.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
