i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
