My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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