He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
