this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
