My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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