I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
