Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
