ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
