Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Randomize
