Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
