yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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