that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
