He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
