I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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