I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he fucked my hip out of place.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
