OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
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