Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
