so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize